The common thought is that guys can’t get enough sex and want it anywhere and everywhere, but how accurate is that assumption? Of course, since people and their bodies are so individual, their appetite and preferences for everything from food to sex greatly vary. But what is considered normal? If you’re not trying to get pregnant (which is a whole different conversation), how often should you even have sex?

The gist: Is a man's sex drive always higher?

Generally speaking, most men are thought to have a higher sex drive than most women simply due to their abundance of testosterone coursing through their veins. When you throw in the burden of periods, pregnancies, and PMS, (not to mention the caretaking duties that many women take over), it’s easy to see why it is assumed that the female sex drive tends to fall lower than male, but that's not true in every case.

The controversy: When his drive is less than ideal

It’s a sensitive subject. We all have that friend who has a higher sex drive than her partner. If it’s you, you may not feel comfortable discussing with your friends for fear they may judge your partner. The problem looms when the guy feels inadequate for not wanting sex as much as you think he should, which only reinforces his insecurities, or the woman feels judged for wanting a normal, healthy life activity. When vulnerabilities are high, as they are when sex is involved, feelings are on high alert. In addition, many young men today become addicted to the abundance of readily available pornographic material and their sex life suffers. 

Our take: Every couple is different

Listen up and listen well: if you and your partner are happy and satisfied with your sex life, it really doesn’t matter how many times a week or month you have sex. Some couples brag about three times a day and some are perfectly satisfied with once a month.

Keep in mind that just because he may have a lower sex drive, that doesn't necessarily mean he has a low desire. It may be a lack of self-confidence. If a man believes his penis is inadequate or that he is not pleasing his partner the way he would like, the issues are related to self-esteem which may account for the low libido. In that case, fixing the self-esteem issues is the first step.

However, if your partner’s libido has drastically changed from what it used to be, a conversation (and perhaps a doctor’s appointment) may be in order. Keep in mind, most men have performance issues at some point in their lives which can be caused by anything from stress to a medical condition. Others have mental and emotional issues tied into sex which can inhibit their performance. Sometimes a frank discussion can help alleviate much of the anxiety surrounding expectations.

How to Bring the Thrill Back to the Bedroom! 

To sum it up: Pay attention to changes, not opinions

If his drive has drastically changed, or you are consistently unsatisfied, talk about it and see a doctor. On the other hand, if his drive has always been slightly lackluster and you’re OK with it, remember, it’s nobody’s business how you set up your sex life. In the end, if you and your guy are happy, that is really all that matters.

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