I made a follow-up appointment with my fertility doctor for about 10 days after the polyp removal. During the appointment, we were to discuss the pathology report on the polyp and when to start the IVF drugs. Though I'd been looking forward to my fertility doctor appointments up until this time, I was kind of dreading this one. I didn't know how I was going to face him after what he did to me during the surgery. I just felt like it was such a huge emotional violation. That's hard to get past.

While waiting for the follow-up appointment, I tried my best to forgive him, because I wanted nothing but love, happiness, and good thoughts to go into bringing my babies into the world. I didn't want to just be tolerating the person who was helping me make them. I knew there was another doctor in the practice and I wondered if I could request to start seeing him instead. My records were all already there. It should be a simple matter to transfer. However, when they asked me the reason for the transfer, I'd have to tell them it was because I no longer felt comfortable with the original doctor, and I didn't know how that would go down with the people at the clinic. The special deal I was getting there made it so that going to a different clinic really wasn't an option, especially since I'd already had a lot of work done with these people.

So, I decided I had to just think positive thoughts about my current doctor. I liked him at first. Maybe he was just having a bad day when he did the surgery on me. At any rate, I knew I couldn't say anything to him about how violated he made me feel during that procedure, because I didn't want him to have a bad attitude toward me when he was working on creating my babies. I would just have to keep it to myself and bear it, no matter how badly I wanted to tell him, because getting pregnant in a positive environment has to be my priority. As long as my babies are showered in love from the beginning, which they will be, it will all be okay and that's all that matters to me.

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